Part 2: What Do You Do About it? > 6 Signs that You’re Bitter Towards Your Spouse
Recognizing this bitterness toward your spouse is a tough pill to swallow—but it’s also an important first step toward healing and restoring connection. If you've identified with signs of resentment, the next question is: what now? How do you begin to let go of the bitterness and rebuild your relationship?
Here are some key steps to help you start the healing process.
1. Ask Yourself: What’s Really Going On?
Bitterness rarely comes out of nowhere. You must take time to reflect on this: is there something your spouse did—or is still doing—that hurt you and remains unresolved? Sometimes we bury our emotions, thinking we’ve “moved on,” but the truth is, we’ve just gone silent. That pain doesn’t disappear—it festers. This is especially magnified if there is unforgiveness.
So, if there’s a specific issue that’s been bothering you, ask yourself if you’ve truly verbalized it. Have you clearly and calmly expressed how you feel? If not, it may be time to do so. Choose a day and time when both of you are calm and undistracted. This isn’t about blaming or attacking—it’s about opening the door to real conversation and healing.
2. Decide What You Want Moving Forward
When you sit down to talk, focus on the outcome you want. Do you want to feel good about your relationship again? Do you want to move forward in peace and understanding? Keeping the bigger picture in mind helps you approach the conversation with compassion instead of frustration. Too many people don’t consider what they want in the situation. Instead they allow their feelings to shout louder than the deeper desires for their marriage. This thought process will help bring that balance back.
After reflecting, if you realize there’s nothing major that your spouse has done—no obvious offense—then the issue may not be them at all.
3. Rebuild the Friendship
Sometimes, bitterness creeps in because the friendship in the marriage has long since faded. Life gets busy, routines take over, and before you know it, you’ve become more like roommates than partners. If you can't pinpoint a specific issue, maybe what you really need is to reconnect.
Start dating again. Make space for fun. Share new experiences. Laugh. Flirt. The emotional warmth that comes from friendship is often the first thing to fade—and the first thing that needs to return.
4. Take Care of Yourself
This one is often overlooked, but crucial. When you’re stressed, overwhelmed, or emotionally depleted, it’s much easier to be irritable and short-tempered. You might project those emotions onto your spouse without even realizing it.
Take a hard look at your self-care. Are you getting enough rest? Do you have time for yourself? Are you pouring from an empty cup? If you're always running on fumes, resentment will naturally follow—even if your spouse hasn’t done anything wrong.
Side note: in this part of the process is critical that you don’t take this out on your spouse. They may be drained as well. It’s about you acknowledging these needs yourself without putting your partner down.
5. Examine the Past
Finally, is there something from the past that you haven’t truly forgiven? Holding on to past hurts—even ones that seem “small”—can quietly fuel long-term bitterness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing; it means choosing to release your grip on the pain, so it no longer controls your emotions.
And if that pain is deep, consider working with a therapist or counselor to help you unpack and release it.
You Can Move Forward
Bitterness isn’t the end of the road—it’s a signal that something needs attention. Whether it’s a conversation, a reconnection, or inner healing, you have the power to move forward. Don’t let resentment define your relationship. Take action, and begin the work of rebuilding something better. Don’t lose hope!