Balancing Marriage and Parenting: How to Stay Connected When Life Gets Busy
Your marriage should be a lifelong commitment, yet the obvious challenge of parenting adds a new layer of responsibility that can easily overshadow the relationship. Between sleepless nights, school drop-offs, sports practices and work deadlines, many couples find themselves functioning more like business partners than spouses. This challenge is not unique to you, I assure you of that. Any parent can attest to these obstacles. And while raising your children is a privilege, the truth is that a healthy marriage is the best gift you can give your kids. If you want to thrive as parents, you FIRST need to thrive as a couple. This is absolutely critical.
Here are some practical ways to stay connected even in the busiest seasons of family life.
1. Make Time with Your Spouse a Non-Negotiable
It’s easy to put your marriage on the back burner “just until things slow down,” but life rarely does. And if it does, often the damage is done on your connectedness to your partner. Instead of waiting for a new season, carve out intentional time for each other every week. This doesn’t always have to mean a fancy date night—it could be a walk around the neighborhood, a late-night conversation on the couch, or even running errands together without the kids. What matters is consistency. Protecting this time shows your spouse, “You’re still my priority.” And, by the way, it messages that way to the kids as well. Your kids seeing your prioritize your wife (or husband) is good for them in the long run, I assure you.
2. Share the Load at Home
One of the biggest sources of marital stress for parents is the imbalance of household responsibilities. When one partner feels like they’re carrying the bulk of chores, resentment builds quickly. Openly discuss who is doing what and be willing to adjust when needed. Sharing responsibilities isn’t about a perfect 50/50 split. It’s about fairness, teamwork, and maybe most important - communication. Remember: you’re raising kids together, not competing for who does more (or less).
And while we won’t get to deep on this right now, gender roles are often a source of contention here. This can be overcome however, and it starts with conversation around your expectations of each other. Making wrongful assumptions can end up with you and your partner on the wrong page, and resentment will quickly build. Raising kids takes TWO parents actively involved. Discuss this together and get back on the same page.
3. Nurture Emotional Connection Daily
Parents often give their best emotional energy to their kids and leave only scraps for their spouse. End of the day arrives and after kids’ bedtime routine, you each may find yourself empty of words or worse – short-tempered and cranky. Your marriage then suffers this consequence. A thriving marriage requires intentional emotional deposits—checking in about each other’s day, sending a thoughtful text, encouraging words, a simple smile and an I love you. These small but meaningful touches build intimacy and remind your spouse they are loved, not just needed.
Not to be dismissed regarding connecting emotionally, but spiritual connection plays a huge role here too. Sharing scripture and verses of encouragement, and ending the day connecting over prayer, these are all incredible ways to fuel your connection with one another.
4. Keep Romance Alive
Yes, it is 100% possible to be both loving parents and passionately in-love spouses. I don’t care what anyone says to contradict this. Romance doesn’t magically disappear once kids arrive—it just takes more intentionality to keep it. Put in the effort. It’s what got you to the wedding day (I hope), so don’t neglect it just because life looks different. When you prioritize romance, you teach your children that love between parents is something to be celebrated, not neglected. And by the way, this massively affects your intimacy too. While it may be a common stigma that sexual intimacy suffers after children, it definitely does not have to be this way. It just takes effort and communication.
5. Build Your Support System
No couple can do it all alone. Whether it’s leaning on the grandparents, trusted friends, or a dependable babysitter, having a support system allows you to step away from parenting duties to invest in your marriage. Asking for help isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom. Strong marriages recognize the need for community and invite others to play a role in supporting both the kids and the couple. This parlays into the importance of date nights and weekends away. Both of which we are heavy advocates of. Having the support system in place lets you find the times to invest in your marriage.
6. Remember the Bigger Picture
The parenting stage is demanding, but (sadly) it’s also temporary. As most of you will attest, kids grow up fast and leave home, but your spouse will still be there. Don’t sacrifice your marriage on the altar of busyness. This happens far too often. Divorce rates actually spike again around this time, often for one reason – the kids took the #1 spot when they shouldn’t have. By making your relationship a top priority, you not only strengthen your bond but also model for your children what a loving, lasting partnership looks like.
When marriage and parenting feel like competing demands, the secret isn’t choosing one over the other—it’s learning to integrate both. By protecting your connection, sharing the load, and keeping love alive, you’ll find that your marriage doesn’t just survive parenting—it thrives alongside it.